Memento Mori
by Don Piano
Summary: Taking place later in the series, Asuka goes to visit Kaji. Rated for darkness. Basically tells how Asuka got into that bathtub ONESHOT


Asuka Langley Soryu fixed her hair in the mirror, being particularly meticulous about a single piece before finally moving away from the bathroom mirror. She found it silly to make such a fuss over such a small thing, and knew that Kaji wouldn't care, especially if her hair was splayed out over his bed beneath her. It was kind of disgusting to be thinking about all that stuff, but since she loved him, and he loved her, it was fine, right?

She jumped from the bathroom and into her own room in a flash of red hair and towel, avoiding Shinji and Misato, who weren't actually home. She didn't want Kaji to worry, so she had decided to visit him today in her school uniform as if she had come from school, which was laid out on her bed, even though she hadn't been to school all week. She had been staying at Hikari's house, but she didn't want to do that anymore. Her biggest hope was to stay with Kaji and she felt a little better just thinking about it.

She slid on her pair of "lucky" underwear but stopped when they reached her waist, staring at the bra on her bed. Putting on the rest of her clothes, she grabbed a paper bag that she had stolen from Hikari's dad's cabinet, leaving her bra on the bed. It was kind of uncomfortable, but she knew it would make things "easier". She left as quickly as she had come, and didn't even say goodbye to no one.

She walked down the streets of the nearly destroyed Tokyo-3, rubble and water littering and pooling in the streets, though she didn't notice. She was going to meet with Kaji today; she was going to have her "romantic rendevous" like in the books, and nothing would ruin that, not even an angel. Not that she would be much help in that situation anyways, but that wasn't what today was about.

Walking down the street, with an air of determination, the weather couldn't have been more perfect, a light breeze coupled with the usual perpetual summer of Japan. Asuka saw cherry blossoms blooming, and checked the notion to go get some petals for Kaji. She was above such childish gestures, and wanted to ensure he saw her as the woman she was. She was on a mission and the cicadas were silent for the entire walk.

She stopped in front of Kaji's house, a shelled out building near the edge of the crater created during the last Angel attack. Stopping for only a second to catch her breath, she dignified her smile and moved towards the intercom by the door. Pressing the button for Kaji's place, she waited for the beep, and then opened the door to the lobby, which fell off its hinges and had its glass shatter behind Asuka, who never heard a thing.

She walked up two flights of stairs before reaching Kaji's floor as the elevator was out of service for routine maintenance or something, completely ignoring the large piece of roof jutting out of the metal doors. She stopped before his door, which was missing the bottom half of itself, but still in place. From inside, all that could be seen was Asuka's hand rubbing off the dust and dirt that had collected on her skirt during her trip, and she could be heard swearing in German. She wondered if Kaji liked hearing those kinds of words during sex and practiced mouthing them sensually before taking a breath, cursing her lack of gum or mints, and opening the door.

"Kaji! Kaji my love? Where are you? You're lover came to see you!"

Only silence answered. And Asuka began worrying. Holding her breathe, her mind raced. She told herself over and over to go on, and that she shouldn't get cold feet now after all she's been through.

"I brought you a gift Kaji!" she said, taking a wine bottle out of the paper bag she was carrying. "I figured you had glasses, but if not, we can always just share the bottle." Her tone charming, she placed the bottle down on a dirty table that was surprisingly still standing. The roof was nearly three quarters gone, and most of the walls were non-existent.

"That stupid Shinji said that you wouldn't be here, but here you are right?" she laughed, Shinji was always saying the stupidest things. Kaji hadn't gone anywhere; he was right in front of her.

"So I figured we could have a little bit of this, and maybe jump in the bath together." She suggested, grinning from ear to ear. "Then maybe after, we could make good on that promise you made me."

Corking the bottle for a lack of an opener, Asuka messily poured some wine all over the table.

"Shaiza!" she yelled, and looked around for something to clean it up. A rag was readily available and she used it to smear the wine all over the table, before it dripped slowly off the edges to the floor.

"Ah don't worry Kaji, I'll clean it up!" she reassured with a smile looking over at him.

He looked so sophisticated, hunched over in his arm chair, smoking his cigarette and smiling at her. She wanted him to take her, even right there on the table was fine, wine spill aside.

"So anyways Kaji, about that promise." She started, walking over to the torn up chair and taking a long and bitter swig from the wine bottle. Doing her best not to cough it all back up, Asuka made a struggling smile at the arm chair before dropping the bottle onto it, spilling a small amount.

"You don't remember the promise you made to me?" she asked, fighting back tears and trying her damnedest to keep her voice under control and away from a childish whine.

"You told me you would be my first." She said, her voice a little quieter as she retrieved the bottle of wine from the chair.

"Didn't drink much there did you Kaji?" she teased, inspecting how much had emptied from the bottle since she had last held it. "It's the weekend, I don't have school tomorrow and you hardly ever have to work anymore." She drank from the bottle again, the cork dancing around inside.

"I heard that it hurts the first time, so I'm going to drink a little more, if you don't mind." Asuka said, the bitterness of the wine starting to disappear as her tongue went numb. She looked back to the chair and frowned.

"Do you not want to do that anymore Kaji?" she asked plaintively. "Is it because of Misato?"

Silence filled the destroyed apartment.

"You love her still don't you? I know you two got back together, but that doesn't mean you should ignore me Kaji!" Asuka's screaming exploded out, but only silence answered her. Tears began fighting they're way out of her eyes and down her cheeks.

"I just want you to myself, even if it's just for a little while…" she said feebly before falling silent.

"I know," she started again after a minute, her smile returning, "I'll go wait in your room, and you can come in when you finish your smoke." She winked at the chair and then made her way to the only bedroom in the apartment.

The inside was dark, as the room had been shaken but the walls and ceiling had held, the only light coming from the broken window through the curtains. The dresser had been knocked over, its contents scattered across the room, clothes mostly, except for one item. A small tin sat on the floor that caught Asuka's attention. She opened it up, inside was a small mirror, razor blade, and plastic bag of some white substance.

"Kaji!" she yelled out to the living room, "What is this?"

"What kind of adult stuff?"

"Is this what I think it is?"

"No, I don't think I'll have any of that, I heard it was horrible. You can have some if you need to. Beside's, I still have wine."

"Actually, where did that bottle go?"

"Ah, don't worry Kaji, I found it!"

Giggling, she started to undress herself, drinking a little every chance she got, until she stood in Kaji's messy room nearly nude save for her panties.

"I wore them just for you, they're my favorite." She said when she noticed Kaji standing in the door way. She felt him staring at her, and started feeling slightly warm. To fight her nervousness, she folded her clothes and placed them in a pile on the floor, looking back with a smile to the doorway.

"How about a bath together first?" she suggested, leaving the room past him and heading for the washroom, which could be seen through the wall. "I'll go get it ready, so you just worry about yourself."

"Oops, almost forgot my wine…" she said, staggering back to retrieve it.

Asuka stopped at the bathroom doorway, inspecting the scene. The large misted window that used to be in the bathroom had burst inwards and sent glass all over the floor.

"No, there's no hold up!" Asuka heard Kaji say something, and yelled back to the bedroom. Hesitating only a minute longer, Asuka made the trek towards the bathtub, trailing blood mere steps inside, forcing a smile the whole way. When she reached the edge of the tub, she removed her last article of clothing and finally felt the chill of the sun going down.

The water refused to leave the taps, causing Asuka to panic. Swearing profusely, Asuka wrestled the taps before just giving up. Climbing in, she curled up into a ball, her feet now just starting to sting, making tears well in the corners of her eyes.

Silence again.

And Asuka sat there for an extended amount of time until she realized that Kaji wasn't coming, that he wasn't in the other room undressing, doing a line, or any other thing he would do before getting in the bath with her.

Kaji was gone, just like she had been told.

But she couldn't cry anymore.

Drinking again from the wine bottle, she wished Shinji was there, and she began hoping he had somehow figured she would be here and came to follow her.

"But I know that fucking idiot wouldn't do that for me." Asuka said quietly to no one, knowing full well that she wouldn't want him to see her this way anyways.

She laughed at herself, and then finished the bottle, before dropping it to shatter on the ground.

When she woke up, the first thing she noticed was the pain in her wrists and feet, then her hunger, and finally, that another morning had come around, meaning she had spent the night laying naked in Kaji's bathtub.

"Synch ratio zero…" she mused, looking out of the hole in the roof to the expansive and beautiful sky. Her panties hung on a damaged towel rack, with little streaks of blood from her feet.

Then she heard the booted footsteps, her name, and she knew, it wasn't going to get any better.

* * *

I don't know if this has been done before, but I just watched through the series again, and decided it was necessary. Thanks for reading. 


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